Friday, August 12, 2005


I don’t much like the cut of August’s gib. Perhaps I’m prejudiced or paranoid, but sometimes I swear there’s something in the air that intimates the Fall of summer. If so that would be a tragedy and I can only hope summer’s demise is greatly exaggerated. I can’t get everything done I’d like to do but I’m out there trying to do it as if checking them off. I would have much more souiciance if I had confidence I could face winter serenely rather than getting everything out of summer. Going to a Red’s game is small consolation in deep February. Which would auger for more spiritual, less sensual.

I do rest amazed in how things have changed over the past decade. I used to want to hang in forgetfulness but now I feel a constant underlying anxiety that I’m not doing much for Him. Amazing that I could waste time with such proficiency then! Partially it was because I was less religious and partially it was because there was so much time that it was inconceivable to even imagine it a perishable resource.

• • • • •

You like summer? So Ohio is not having the suffocating summer Virginia is?

It took me four or five years to realize thunderstorms are a feature of DC area summers. Funny because recently we mentioned Christmas to our 3-year-old. "Christmas isn't until winter... winter is when it's cold, and it snows. Summer is when it's hot." Child: "Hot... and sunny... and storms." How did he get it so much quicker than I did?

I relate to the last part of the post -- being tempted to go back to not caring so much can be a problem, but it also doesn't seem possible to not care anymore. Maybe the fact that it doesn't seem possible to not care is a grace I should not take for granted, given how many people do seem able to not care and how I once was.
I mean took me that long to realize the storms are apparently a regular, characteristic feature, not just this nasty oddity that's kept on popping up at least three years in a row...
Perhaps both the dread of time passing and the anxiety of not serving God sufficiently are two sides of the same coin. The great saints seemed to live in the present, savoring and using the moment at hand and trustingly relinquishing everything outside that boundary to the goodness of God.

May God give us that grace. And, I greedily add, a reduction in the humidity.
I'm a bit of a fool for summer, humidity and all. Although on those 95 degree days I did take a few spells in the air conditioning since I was getting a headache.
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